Chapter I: The Castle & The Castrator

The Sun was beginning to rise later and set sooner, heralding a new chapter in the lives of the habitants of The Castle, a sprawling metropolis that had at its centre the great tower block of LCC*. With the arrival of the new season, a dark cloud descended over the land. It coincided with the appointment of a new Leader. Known only as The Castrator, she took her throne at LCC and immediately began to implement her regime change. Under the dark and claustrophobic cloud the people of The Castle began to think that God had forsaken them. The braver of folk soon referred to The Castrator as ‘Lucifer’s mistress’ as she held the habitants of The Castle and especially those under her direct control at LCC (known as the Bachelors of Art) in her tight and oppressive grip. Her first law to pass was to ban everything that had not had her prior ‘sign-off’***. This came to include even the rudiments of bodily functions such as eating, excreting, talking and at one point, in a particularly strict era of Castratean law, even breathing. However, the latter was found to be difficult to police and she was persuaded by her close aids to abandon this particular policy. Alas, we have neither the time nor patience to wade through the quagmire that is Castratean law****.

Now, where was I? Yes, the Bachelors of Art, those fine young men and women, well, they found The Castrator to be constantly meddling in their affairs. Some of them were convinced that she was out simply to sabotage and undo all of their good work. There were few Bachelors that dared stand up to The Castrator. What became of those that did, you ask? They never did so again, for they were cut down to size by her sharp and spiteful tongue with a vehemence that would bring a tear to even the most hardy of characters. Humiliated and de-motivated these poor souls would often find themselves spurned by the other Bachelors, who were unwilling to socialise with them for fear of incurring the wrath of The Castrator. The LCC Basement would be the eventual resting place for such individuals, where they would spend the remainder of their days making hot refreshments for the LCC technicians and also for some of the Bachelors that found themselves in favour with The Castrator and who, from time to time, would treat themselves to taking the odd liberty over the less fortunate.

It was, all in all, a dark period in the history of The Castle.

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