Footnotes

*Unfortunately I have had no luck in discerning what the initials LCC stood for. Several academics have suggested various possibilities, including one outlandish idea involving Elephants** although none have been universally accepted. [Back]

**Elephant: a large herbivorous mammal, Elephas maximus of south-central Asia or Loxodonta africana of Africa, having thick, almost hairless skin, a long, flexible, prehensile trunk, upper incisors forming long curved tusks of ivory, and, in the African species, large fan-shaped ears. Now extinct. [Back]

***Sign-off: Synonymous with the colloquial ancient phrases such as ‘I own you bitch’ [Back]

**** For that I recommend a rather voluminous body of work by Lord Night. Curiously, Lord Night is a direct descendant of The Castrators arch enemy, the person who dealt the final blow to her reign and toppled her political tyranny, the respected St. Darkus Knightus. [Back]

*****Ridley: One can only hypothesize a reason for The Castrator choosing this as the secret code. A closer reading of her life shows a somewhat obsessive and neurotic insistence that she once worked as a ‘Ridley Scott’, what exactly a ‘Ridley Scott’ is has unfortunately been lost in the wayside of history. [Back]

******Gents: Acronym- Genetically Engineered Transportation Stratagem. [Back]

Epilogue

Alas, my dear and faithful readers, the time has come for me to lay down my scribe. But, fear not, the true adventures of the Red Owls have yet to begin. For now however, I must leave the fate of our heroes up to your own imaginations.

The task at hand is too great for me to continue with at present but perhaps one day you will have the chance to read 'The Society of Shells Volume Two' to your sleepy grandchildren.

In it, they will find friends, our Bachelors of Art, on a quest to rid The Castle of The Castrator and other incredible adventures along the way. Such as how Tiger led Toni, Loukie, Captain Cook, Thor, Poom and Benji on a horrifying mission to defeat the RED Dragon, helped on by the advise of the wise sage Bambino and his faithful helper Chiaki, who watched over all of their actions with the use of a magical looking glass.

Then there is the dangerous encounter with the gang of Philipino nymphs that attempt to hypnotize Toni with their rhythmic synchronized dance, the feared 'Macarena'.

They will read too of the solo mission that Tom bore on his shoulders, to save a young girl from the clutch of a terrible paedophile who held her prisoner on a long and crumbling pier that stretched far, far over the Sea.

Fare well, brothers and sisters, we will all do well if we are to heed the advise given to Jimboy by Amphitrite. 'Follow our hearts and be good, that way we are sure to always obey the rules'.

Yours humbly,

James Mann

Chapter IX: The Workshop

He knew what he must do. All of the Bachelors must be initiated into the Society of Shells. He immediately got to work with the passion and furore of a man whose very life depended on it. He sat at the desk for almost two days, getting up only four times, once to get a glass of water, once to use the toilet and twice to stretch his legs. The other Bachelors found his behaviour very curious but Jimboy told them he was okay and that he would explain everything shortly. Meanwhile, he employed into his services and entrusted with his plan, two of the Red Owls.

The first was Barlow, a young man who bore the resemblance of an Edwardian fireman. He had the job of collecting additional Shells, for he had quite an acute eye for the shinier, more decorative ones. At times Jimboy grew concerned that Barlow was paying too much attention to the material look of the Shell and was forsaking its inner magical qualities. He had trouble in getting him to realize that each Shell was equal and it worried Jimboy to hear him mutter under his breath nonsensical and fragmented sentences about Silver Shells and how he was going to find them soon. Barlow’s main skill however was his buffing of the Shell. This became widely recognized as the Barlow buff.

The second helper was R-Bizzle, although she was very busy, it pleased Jimboy that she found the time to visit his workshop on a regular basis, commenting on his progress and suggesting various techniques that he might try. R-Bizzle is credited with the emergence of the second model of Shell necklaces, the difference being in how the Shell is attached to the string.

Soon all the Bachelors were wearing a Shell necklace. They were shown the secret hand gesture and had repeated the oath to one another. Although some of them, such as Loukie, laughed off Jimboy's insistence that the Shells were magic, they still showed good heart and agreed to be initiated. Once the necklace was on though and the oath had been said, there was no question from any of them that the Shells were indeed imbued with magical qualities.

Now they were ready to go to battle.

To be continued…

Chapter VIII: The Dream

“Jimboy! Jimboy! Wake up, you must, please!” Jimboy slowly opened his heavy eyelids to see R-Bizzle and the other Bachelors gathered around him in true concern for his well-being. As he sat up he felt rejuvenated, like he’d been sleeping on a floating cloud for the last one thousand years. He was helped to his feet by all of his friends and as they saw he was okay they began to laugh and make merry at this odd scenario. Jimboy felt a bulk in all of his pockets, he put his hand in one of them and when he drew it out the Bachelors saw that he was clutching a hand full of the brightest, glimmering Shells. They all looked at each other, confused. Tom was the first to speak up. “Hey Jimboy, what’s that you’ve got there?” “Wow, they’re beautiful!” cried Naomi. Tiger was amazed, he’d never seen such wonders.

They quizzed Jimboy all the way home but he couldn’t make any sense of it himself. It was only late that night as the Bachelors were eating their supper that he got a vague recollection of the earlier incident. He recalled to them a dream he had in which the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on was putting a necklace on him. As he started to explain the dream it suddenly all came back to him, it was like a curtain had been opened in his head and beyond that curtain he could see everything of the mysterious event that had happened to him. He was just about to burst forth with everything he could see before he checked himself and thought better of it. He decided it was best to digest things first and only once he had made sense of it should he attempt to describe the events to his fellow Bachelors.

That night, lying in bed, whilst Captain Cook and Benji, whom he was sharing quarters with, slept like two old drunken sailors, Jimboy recalled the magical dream with the beautiful Women in its entirety.

Her name, she told him, was Amphitrite, Goddess of the Sea. They were in a deep underground cavern, the walls of which were decorated with thousands upon thousands of bright, shining Shells. They were standing waist deep in a turquoise pool of warm water and she was initiating Jimboy into what she called 'The Society of Shells'. She asked Jimboy to make a hand gesture and repeat the words she said, then she fitted him with a Shell necklace. He was initiated. Amphitrite then explained that he would carry the power of the Sea with him wherever he went, provided he had the Shell around his neck and obeyed the rules. What the rules were she did not say, but she did say that the only way you know that you have not obeyed the rules is when you break them, so, the best thing to do is to follow your heart and be good, that way you will be sure to always obey the rules. Jimboy closed his eyes and relived his initiation into the Society of Shells. He saw the sacred hand gesture and heard the magical words “I shell, I shell, I shell obey the rules.”

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Chapter VII: Common Enemy

Emblazoned on the door, in a strange and mystical fashion, was a sign that read ‘Gents’******. He tentatively pushed open the door and stepped inside. As soon as he did so the melody ceased and was replaced by a loud, almost mechanical, humming sound. It startled Jimboy and he was momentarily disorientated. When he regained his composure he found himself face to face with the oldest Man he had ever laid eyes on. Dressed decently in attire suggestive of an adventurous life spent in exotic, far-away lands, the Old Man addressed Jimboy. “Jimboy, my name is Bernie. Welcome to my abode.” Jimboy, too confused to respond, shook the outstretched hand of Bernie, it was an unnaturally warm hand. “Ah, dear boy, you look at me like I’m an alien. I blame you not, but you’d be surprised, we have more in common than you would think. Yes, I read in your heart a hatred, not just in your own but also in all of your friends on the beach, a hatred for a common enemy. I know it as Abaddon but I believe it has once again taken the form of a female, known to you as The Castrator. Years ago it appeared to me as a female also, I fell in love, it enchanted me with its boasts and brags but it soon showed it’s true colours. It is a power hungry beast, a black hole that sucks in everything it can. I have spent my life roaming the globe in fear of it finding me but now, as I approach the end of my life, I no longer fear it. I am consumed with a burning desire to destroy it. It is no coincidence that you and your friends find yourself on this beach. This shoreline has been blessed by the Gods, the water that washes against this land is made up of the tears of Amphitrite. She has left her magic upon these shores. It’s in the Shells Jimboy, collect the Shells. If each of you confronts The Castrator with a Shell attached to your neck then you will see her power fade and she will crumble to dust.” Bernie slowly began to fade away and a heaviness descended on Jimboy. The words “the Shells Jimboy, you must collect the Shells” echoed around him and before he knew it he had fallen into the very deepest of sleep.

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Chapter VI: Melodies from the Sea

One fine morning, as the group busied themselves with their activities, Jimboy was taking a stroll along the beach, close to the shore, occasionally letting the gentle waves lap over his feet. One can only hazard a guess as to what was passing through his mind that morning but I’ll suggest that the new found freedom caused his mind to wonder to subjects he’d barely touched upon before. Imagine, if you will, that he was silently lamenting the relationship between the Sun and the Moon, and how, although both are so familiar to us, they are strangers to each other, the one constantly missing the other. Tragic, no? Perhaps Jimboy was prone to a sporadic melancholic emotion that would suddenly surge up in his chest as quickly as it would then disappear, only to be replaced with such mundane thoughts as ‘what’s for tea?’ or ‘do I have enough change in my pocket for a can of fizzy pop?’ Whatever was passing through this young mans mind was very quickly laid to rest, for what happened next is sure to test even the most credulous of you. It was a beautiful and mesmerizing sound, a hypnotic melody that swelled around Jimboy’s body. He knew not where is came from, certainly not from this world. Like nothing he had heard before the sound washed over him in waves of euphoria. The voices from another dimension were calling to him. He looked back to see if his friends could also hear the sounds but he had drifted further than he thought and they were little more than specks in the distance. Where was it coming from? The Sea, it must be the Sea. As he listened intently he felt the sound nudging him in a certain direction, he let himself be moved, submitting his body to the will of the melody, like a leaf in the wind. He found himself moving off of the beach and a few yards yonder he found a small out-house. This is where the melody had led him.

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Chapter V: New Friends

At the beginning of the trip Jimboy thought of nothing but exacting revenge upon The Castrator, he was indifferent towards the group whose company he was in and kept himself to himself. He was formulating a plan. But eventually he began to warm to a few members of the group and before he knew it he was on good terms with all of them. The terrible thoughts of revenge were slowly supplanted by those of admiration and respect for his new friends. He began to forget about The Castle and The Castrator. They all did.

For every passing minute that the Red Owls were away from The Castle they grew in stature, their spines got straighter, their step was lighter, their lungs inhaled deeper, their hearts beat stronger and their eyes glowed with an indefinable quality. They were happy.

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